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I’m usually pretty hyped to visit countries I haven’t been to and Taiwan is one of them. Though I’m here for a few days, I only had 1 free day to wander around as a retarded tourist taking photos of buildings and food and all that other shit that I laugh at people who do this in Shanghai.

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SLEEP
First off, you need a place to sleep. I was booked into “JUST SLEEP”. It sounds like one of those ghetto shits, but’s its surprising nice! Good service and free buffet breakfast. If you look in regards to the metro map, it’s basically dead center downtown Taipei (if there even is an outskirts, since Taipei is kind of like Shanghai and everything is considered downtown but whatever). Just Sleep is located at Exit 6 of Ximen Metro Stop, BLUE LINE. No idea how much it costs but rumor has it that if you get a person with a taiwan id to book it for you, you get half off the rate. But most of you don’t really care much for a nice place to stay so I think there’s a hostel around the corner if you look on Wikitravel:
Taipei Backpackers Hostel, 2F No.113, Kunming Street, Taipei, ☎ +886-2-23752877 (tbphostel@gmail.com), [98]. checkin: 13:00; checkout: 12:00. 5 minutes from Ximen MRT station, one of the famous shopping areas in Taipei. From NT380/night

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Or, I kept seeing these signs in the metro for breastfeeding rooms, and if I came to Taiwan alone and wanted to save mad money… I’d probably just sleep in these rooms in the metro. Look at that sign, dude, those rooms look better than my apartment in Shanghai!

FOOD:
Usually…. when people in the states think about noodle soup, they think like uh… ramen and shit like that. Or basically this:

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Sparerib Noodle Soup. It’s the definition of best noodle soup in the world. It was so bangin I ate dinner at the night market, and took the metro straight to this restaurant just to eat it again before I came back to the hotel because I know I have a mad early flight tomorrow morning and won’t have it till next time I come back. I wish they would just deliver to Shanghai from Taipei b/c I’d order this shit every day. No. fucking. lie. Anyway, this you can find basically if you’re standing in front of JUST SLEEP, cross the road and look on the right hand side of the street and it’s under a blue sign that has TVB or something like that written all over it. Stan from INVASIAN is goign to be so bummed I’m leaking this restaurant, but aint no one reading this post anyway. The cost is 65 NT. Shit’s cheap.

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According to every white person who types on the internet, one of the “must visits” in Taipei is the Shilin Night Market, which is only run at night, fools. Well, uh… unless you DON’T live in Asia or have never been to a night market.. it is NOT a must see b/c it’s basically like Nanjing Shopping Road (Shanghai) minus half the width and cram in the 6pm Line 2 subway crowd. It’s just a bunch of vendors selling garbage like SARS masks, and cellphone keychains and bullshit clothes from brands that only exist to make real brands look better. The cool, touristy, thing of the whole place is the amount of street food vendors that unlike in China where they burn sticks of rat meat over opium chunks, they sell real food. You can read about all that shit on Wikitravel though. Anyway, the pictures above is some weird noodle that has oysters, intestine, and a bunch of other animal parts in it mixed with some jelly-ish noodle soup kind of like that sweet and sour soup from OVERSEAS DRAGON, but yeah, it was pretty good actually and I don’t really get down with crazy body parts but I’d probably eat it again. Plus it was only 30 NT.

Side note: I really wanted to try one of those taiwanese sausages stuffed inside another sausage but… I couldn’t get myself to risk losing my 8-pack abs, because come on, we all know i have 8-pack abs. plus, DP just aint my thing. Girls love these things though, b/c i seen a few of them lined up to order them. dey be extra large too.

Other shit you should eat: Taiwanese Hot Pot (they sautee everything in a cast iron pot, then put the soup base in it and let it simmer to finish before you eat it with a bowl of rice). It blows the Chinese version away. It’ll run you like 300 NT though, if you go with a group of like 5-7 dudes. Ask the taiwanese where one is b/c if you go with the “fashion” taiwanese crowd, they will just take you to an all-you-can-eat hotpot which is just like chinese hot pot but worse b/c it’s a bunch of retards with gel in their hair getting their eat on and you feel like you’re part of Degrassi, plus THAT type of hot pot has no beer and will cost you like 600 NT.

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And if you get sick of all the asian cuisine, there’s always Sazerrrs. Shout out to Dolle and Peak cuz dis be where we live when we be broke. all day. err day. pizza. pasta. double. dat. jawnz.

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Taiwan also has some of the wildest drink selection. Many of which come with pieces of jelly or things that have a texture like slugs in your mouth, shit’s kind of good once you get used to it or if you grew up eating slugs. which. i did. not.

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SHOPPING/SIGHTSEEING
I don’t believe in shopping but if you do, there’s a shitload of it about. I mix sightseeing together with it b/c it seems every “TALLEST BUILDING IN THE WORLD” is just an outlet to build a mall at the bottom of and stick Gucci in your precious Tiffany’s swag.

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Some stores names are SUPER creative aren’t they?

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I’m so tall.

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“Until that doo doo Dubai building got built. Now I just feel so short!”

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By the way, this is at the 101 building and I bet it’s never been skated… though there is considerable security but I think they only care about parking. The skate scene in Taipei is pretty substantial, I might even say it’s bigger than HK’s scene but nahhhhh cuz dey be my boys at 852 and dey be freezin ppl.

So, like we do in grade school, to sum it all up, I think the real attractions of Taipei are skating and eating oodles of noodles, and if I were a normal person who doesn’t skateboard… i would visit the surrounding towns which are probably your best bet to experience a more “authentic” and let’s throw in “unforgettable” too, asian vacation. And maybe visit a museum too if you’re into that shizzzzzz, you fruittart.

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